A visit to Finland

Quite a cake my wonderful sister made for the party. :)

When I booked my flights to Finland I was so excited and happy that I wanted to jump around and tell the world. Then came the doubts. How would I feel being in a country I had happily abandoned to have a life on the other side of the world? Would I feel I don't belong there anymore? Would I feel like an outsider among my friends? Would I fit in anymore? What if I missed home while in Finland? Would my friends and family understand? As horrible it may sound for my loved ones in Finland in my heart my home is in Australia so I wasn't too worried about leaving Finland again.

No place like this to spend the midsummer festivities.

The months I have been away haven't separated me from my friends and family but it has definitely shown who are those friends that will always be there, no matter what the life throws upon us. In four weeks I was pulled to dozens of directions. There were heaps of things to do and so many people to meet. All my closest friends and family (well almost all of them) knew that I was dead busy and running like a rabbit from place to place. None of those people complained I don't have enough time for them. Everyone made the most of the time I was able to spend with them. I knew I wouldn't spend as much time with everyone as I would have liked to, I just didn't have the time. But it was great I could go for a coffee with a friend and for that short time everything was like always. And my fears of not fitting in were for nothing.

The saddest thing in my visit back home was that a close family member decided to act like a five-year-old child and play martyr cos I had only two days I could have spent at their house. Initially I was warmly welcomed to go and visit but when I told I would be able to be there only two days I heard the disappointment in the voice. No wonder, I had been away for 18 months after all. What I didn’t expect was a phone call the following day to say not to bother to go and visit. It hurt and badly. I was so angry and hurt that I just wanted to scream and cry. And I did. But there’s not much I could do about it. I’ve been the adult enough over the years but I’m not prepared to be anymore. If I’m not welcomed then I won’t visit, as simple as that. But no blaming me years from now on that I didn’t visit, nor blaming it was my fault we drifted apart. If an adult acts like a small child so be it. I’m lucky to have other lovely people in my life who willingly spend time with me even if it’s only five minutes I can spare.

Typical Finnish scenery.

Finland is the country I've been living all my life and been driving on the right side of the road over nine years. And I've never been afraid driving no matter what the weather and road conditions. And now what? I had been gone about 18 months and it felt horrendous to drive there! How on earth did that happen? Couldn't I just comfortably drive anywhere on whichever side of the road? I walked on the streets and I had no idea which way to look at when crossing the road! :D I was like an alien there in the traffic. I felt much more comfortable when sitting in a train or bus than driving. But then again I didn't even have a car so at least I wasn’t even craving for the feeling you get when driving. I could have driven if I had been able to drive on main roads but not on the streets of a town or city. But now I’m back driving on the left side of the road – what a relief!

Sometimes I feel that I have two separate lives, one in Finland and one back here in Oz. Nothing had really changed in Finland while I had been gone. Okay, my friends have moved, someone has got engaged, someone has got married, someone is pregnant but they were still there and I just picked up

A place to relax and enjoy the view.

with them where we left off months ago. They are still the same and our friendships have lasted the distance and time. So I can rely on that my friends will be there no matter what. And then I have this totally different life in Australia. I've been asked what so good is there in Australia that I want to stay. I can always say that people are friendlier, lifestyle is more relaxed, the weather is better and I've got a job I couldn't have in Finland. But how could I explain that I feel that I'm home in Australia? I've always felt that way ever since I touched Australian soil for the first time over nine years ago.

I was supposed to go and visit Finland to see my friends and family. It was supposed to be easy to leave again and come back and live my life on the other side of the world. There wasn't meant to be any complications. But what then when someone still sweeps you off your feet and it feels right? What then when there's someone you've fallen for ages ago? What then when that someone makes you smile and you still get butterflies in your tummy after all these years? What are you supposed to do when something like that happens? All I know is that there’s about 15000ks between me and someone special and it’s all by my choice. I know the distance is huge but if two people really care about each other and want to be together you just have to hope the distance is not going to ruin it all. Nowadays we have text messages, mobile phones, emails, Facebook, Skype and many other communication apps with which it’s easy to keep contact to the other side of the world. It makes you think what it was in the old days when wars, migrating and many other reasons drove people apart. You had to write a proper letter and getting a reply for that could have taken weeks. I just wonder how those people kept alive their relationships. It must have felt awful opening up your heart to the other one and then waiting for a letter to arrive. Well it was a bit different time then. Thinking of what it’s been like in the old days doesn’t make it any easier but it gives hope. And hope is what I need to believe that things are going to be okay. I do not want to lose that someone special, not today, not tomorrow, never. 

"You can have it all. Just not all at once."
- Oprah Winfrey -