Dreams and decisions

 Lady Elliot Island has been a dream destination for me almost two years and I always just thought maybe next month, maybe next week. When I was considering another completely different day trip my boss just said why don’t you just go tomorrow? At the time I though yeah why not and called. The next day I was on my way for a one day visit on this beautiful island. It was unreal to sit in this small plane, to see what the pilot was doing all the time, seeing the island from air. Oh and the island and the nature – absolutely amazing! And the snorkeling – wonderful! I wish I had more time there cos I wanted to see it all, reefs, sharks, manta rays, birds, the land and a day just wasn’t enough to explore it all. The day was memorable and got lost of pics to remind me about the beauty of the place.

I’ve known all along that while I’m here on the other side of the world some bad things might happen back home. You can never really prepare yourself for what happens but when you’ve at least though about things it sometimes makes it a little easier. There’s no easy way to lose a loved one. It hurts like hell when your loved one passes away. There’s no way the tears wouldn’t come or you wouldn’t feel the hurt. The suddenness makes it worse. But all the wonderful memories you have of that loved one makes you appreciate what you’ve experienced with her.  And knowing they’ve had a good life makes it easier. The hard part is to consider all the other loved ones behind and what they think if you don’t come to the funeral. But when you know that the one who can never anymore give any advice would say that don’t be silly you’re not spending you money for that, it gives you peace. As good as it might be there for all the ones crying and missing her it wouldn’t change a thing. It would not bring her back. 

For a few months I’ve just been lazy, not going to gym, hardly going for a jog or anything really to keep me in shape. I had a bit of a cough and a runny nose and didn’t go for a week and then it was just too easy to drop it and just be lazy. My new year’s resolution was to start going to gym again. I kept on putting it off until last week. And when I got back there I just thought why on earth had I stayed away that long? I love exercising, the good feeling you have afterwards when you’ve worked hard and pushed your boundaries. And to be honest when your age is close to 30 your body just doesn’t stay in shape like it used to. Gone are the days of teens when I could just about anything, do nothing and still be fit. But at least I know I can do something about keeping fit and keep on going to the gym. The hot summer weather doesn’t really invite for a jog or run, not even at 10pm when it’s still 26 degrees. But luckily I can always go to the air-conned gym, as long as I’m ready to sweat on the way! :D 

Two visits back home within six month felt luxury. It also made me realize that there’s this one really special person there back home. Someone I want to be with. Life works curious ways. Just over seven months I was throwing away things that I thought I wouldn’t need or want anymore. My friends took quite a huge part of those things. I did all administrational arrangements to be a Finn living abroad. I packed the boxes back into my mum’s basement thinking I wouldn’t be needing them for a long time. My dream has been to live and work in Australia. God knows how many years I dreamt of this, and it took me years to take the brave step to quit my job and leave everything behind and go. Okay, I was never meant to be away more than a year but when I was given the opportunity I didn’t think twice. The only hard part in that was telling my family and friends that I want to stay. Not even a year is up on my new visa and I want to give up this dream. I love my job and I love all these people here but neither can compete with loving someone. And as hard as it was to tell my friends and family back home that I want to stay here it was hard to tell here too that I want to go back home. No one knows about tomorrow but in my heart I know this is what I really want to do. Life is for living and we should live it the fullest as long as we can. I don’t think I’ll be regretting the things I’ve done when I sit and look back my life in my old age. 

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover."
- H. Jackson Brown Jr. -